An English Journal

The misfortunes and happinesses of me

The Ascension (Day 1)

So if any of you read my post yesterday, you’ll know that I was feeling pretty damn crap and I guess it carried on a little into this morning because even my English teacher asked me what was wrong. But, I’m feeling a little better. I mean, like I said yesterday, the only way to go is up right? So, as part of this ascension day, I’m going to start changing my life. Sounds drastic? A little to drastic? Maybe, but I’m going to do it. First, I’m going to write that application letter for an English Study Day and St. John’s College, Oxford University. 

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Looks awesome huh? I mean, even if I don’t decide to do English, it will be a great opportunity to visit some of the other colleges and meet up with my cousin (who studies engineering there). Of course, I might not get in as there are quite a few people who want to go and only two to three people will get chosen. So, I’ll write a great application letter and hopefully I’ll get the spot. Bet you I’ll be the only Asian there!

Then, I’m going to do a little bit of chemistry, then go to the gym. After eating a snack or something, I’ll do some biology and maths. Then, I’ll have to read some poems and head on to dinner. Right after dinner, Phantom of the Opera rehearsals from 7:30 to 9:00 (I’m in the school musical). Then, I’ll practice some music until just before 10-ish. Then, come back to house, shower, and do some politics until about 11pm ish and then sleep! Okay. Time to get started on that application. I got this.

Oh and by the way, it’s a good day for cocoa here in England. If you live here, it’s freezing isn’t it! I kind of wish it would snow again though because without the snow, it’s just..cold – without the fun. Okay, okay. Application time. I have to stop procrastinating. While I write though, I of course, will be listening (maybe watching) a TV show which for today is “My Mad Fat Diary”. Now why on earth would I be watching that? Well, I don’t have the slightest clue. I was just on the 1channel homepage wandering what to watch when I just decided to click on it. It’s apparently got quite good ratings from viewers so what the hell I guess! 

Until tomorrow,

A. 

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See? School truly is beautiful when it snows ❤

 

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A Wallow-y Day

Trust myself to start a blog in the middle of nowhere. And when I say nowhere, I mean, in a time of no significance. I was planning to start one in the new  year, or on my birthday – you know, significant turning points in my life, but I’m just a little bit of a procrastinator. However, I guess you could say that today is a turning point in my life. There are two very important things that happened today.

1. I got a 46/68 for my maths test.

2. I got full marks for my English essay and got my short story sent off to a competition because it was, apparently, quite good.

As I do, I will start with the second point. Now, I haven’t exactly been doing particularly well in terms of tests for any of my subjects to be honest but this maths test has to be the rock bottom. If any of you people out there do IB (International Baccalaureate) and are struggling like I am right now, I feel for you. I get it. My grades had been pretty damn good last term, with four 7s and two 6s under my belt but recently, I just haven’t been doing well in my progress tests. So far I’ve gotten (And keep in mind all those scores are out of 7.):

  • Maths: 5
  • English: 7
  • Chinese: 5
  • Chemistry: 4
  • Biology: 5

So as you can see, those grades are utterly crap. I guess the most disappointing thing is that I studied. I studied so hard for those tests, I just stayed in house for lunch and hardly ever went to dinner. All in the name of studying. That’s why it was particularly crippling to see that so much of my hard work amounted to nothing. The thing that gets me so down though is the fact that for most of those subjects, (ie. Bio, Chinese and Chemistry) I could have done so much better with just the tiniest bit more time.

I mean, they cram all six subject tests into one week and they expect us to do well with only 1 week of preparation? That and I have a ridiculously hectic schedule. The worst thing though, was my maths. Now, I understand that I may not be good at the other subjects, but I know that I’m good at maths and my teacher knows it too. I looked at my test right after and I did the stupidest things like write the answer on the working box, circle it and then write the wrong answer on the answer sheet right below. So to get a score that is so ridiculously poor was particularly depressing. But besides my teacher’s clear disappointment, I can’t bear to tell my parents back home. I just can’t bring myself to tell them. They expect so much of me. The person I let down worst however, was definitely myself. I guess that’s why I started this blog in the first place. I needed to reflect you know? Put my thoughts into words so that I can make sense of the messy turmoil that is my head right now.

As soon as I got back from maths class, got into bed and cried. Sounds immature, I know, but I really felt the worst – hence the title.

There were good things about today however, which brings me back to point 1. I’ve always loved English more than I can imagine, and doing English Higher Level in the IB is definitely not easy and I get that. That’s why I tried so hard to write an amazing essay. I practically spent 3 hours writing the perfect thesis. And as for my short story, creative writing has been one of my passions ever since I could remember and it was really great to see my hard work and passion show through. See, that’s what my life should be like. I should work hard, get good grades, be happy. But that’s not how it seems to be working out.

You know what though? This is rock bottom. I’ve really hit it. Better to hit it now than hit it before exams though right? I guess this blog is kind of a therapy. I’ll write probably everyday and just talk about how I improve from here. Hopefully by the time I get to the half term holidays, I will have improved and I’ll be in track where I want to be because screw it, screw the progress grades. I will improve and get to where I want to be. I swear it.

Until then, you’re stuck with me for a while.

A.